MASTER OF WAR

MASTER OF WAR

Come you masters of war
You that build the big guns
You that build the death planes
You that build all the bombs
You that hide behind walls
You that hide behind desks
I just want you to know
I can see through your masks

–Bob Dylan

Hi.  I’m Vlad Putin, Master of War.  You’ve probably seen images of my tanks and troops invading Ukraine.  Whoops, I didn’t mean invade, but carrying out a “limited military action”.  I’m doing this to save Ukraine from Nazis, never mind that it has a Jewish president.

Actually, I’m doing this to restore the glory days of the old Soviet Union, when Ukraine used to be part of it.  I am offended that we have a democratic independent country right on our doorstep—one that might join NATO, dammit!

I’ve said that the “limited military action” is going as planned.  In planning I believed that the Ukrainians would greet us as liberators.  Now I see they are putting up a fierce resistance.  That’s in spite of my overwhelming superior numbers of tanks and troops in the country.  I’ve had to resort to lobbing bombs and rockets into their cities, killing citizens as well as soldiers.  It is a war of attrition—oops, did I say war?  I mean a “limited military action”.  Why don’t these fools just give up?  I guess they just don’t like us.  Not sure why.

In the meantime, tanks and troops appear to be stuck.  Several of my generals have been killed, and I hear that some troops have deserted.  Cowards.  I’ve heard that they don’t know what they are fighting for.  Some thought they were just playing a war game.  Well, this is no game.  They were told to believe that the population would roll over.  That hasn’t happened, and I might have to resort to stronger measures, like chemical, biological, or even nuclear weapons.  

Millions have fled to other countries.  I know they hope to come back to Ukraine.  What will they find there—rubble?  My plan was to weaken NATO.  Instead, they are apparently united in opposition to me, a Master of War.  They have even called me a “war criminal”.  I say what are you going to do about it?  Come and get me.